There is 3 more days until my 18 week ultrasound is coming up. Because of the complications with the last pregnancy and the chromosonal defect found, Dr. Glaze set me up an appointment in Jackson with Dr. Perry. He isn't a bad doctor, and I'm greatful for the chance to have a very high tech ultrasound done, but I think it is going to cause me more stress than I have already been going through. I already can't feel the baby as much, or so I'm convincing myself. I think that place will always be associated with doom for me hopefully after a good healthy pregnancy I won't have to go back there.
On the brighter side I will most likely find out the sex of the baby. I personally think it's a boy but Ben thinks it's a girl along with his mama and Alex. We have already chosen our names and will love it no matter what of course. We decided on Madison Emmaline for a girl, and Aiden Glenn for a boy. I think that having a boy would help me heal from losing Joseph, no he would never replace my first child but it would help having that experience of raising a boy first. Or so I think.
The wedding is moving ever closer, a little over a month now. We ordered my dress. The ring bearer's pillow and flower girl basket came in. I have my tiara and our toasting glasses. I also have the guest book and pen. Really all thats left to get is the cake, the bridesmaid dresses maid (they have been ordered), the outfits for the grooms men (still needing to figure out who the other one will be), the flowers, and the arch. It's not so bad now that I know the dress is ordered I am obsessing over them in order of importance. lol. We have yet to get our blood work which is nessecary to file for marriage but I am demanding it is done next week.
Ben worries me sometimes, he isn't who he used to be. I used to have fun around him, now maybe it's just being pregnant and the hormones but it's like he turning into a child. It makes me wonder if he's regretting making a life with me. I would never force him to stay with me, I love him too much to make him unhappy, but he would never tell me. Oh well, I guess I'll see how things work out.
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